Helping Hikaru
by kalmia raphael
Summary: Determined to deepen Haruhi and Hikaru’s friendship, Kaoru embarks on a series of dastardly plots in order to push them closer together. However, when his own jealous feelings start to get in the way, what will he do? HikaruKaoru. COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1.

Looking back, you can't remember exactly when (or how) it came to this. Sneezing at all that dirt that's just gotten up your nose, you push another random banana peel out of your hair (where do they all come from, anyway?) and climb out of the rubbish bin. Good, they didn't see you. You're getting some very odd stares, but who cares about that, Haruhi and onii-chan are _just_ turning the corner, and if you run (whilst hiding behind lamp posts and the like, of course) you'll catch them.

The rest of the Host Club isn't following this time, it's only you, this is _your_ private project for your brother and you'd be damned if you were going to let that Tono mess things up again. It had taken an intricate plan involving a couple of misplaced messages, Hunny's bunny doll, Kyouya's laptop, Renge's High-Powered Motor ™ and an annoyed Hikaru asking where you'd been all day, in order for you to set up this second date. All because you didn't want to worry Hikaru by doing something like pretending you were sick again. You sigh, the memory giving you a warm feeling deep inside, and pick up the pace a little.

_Gack!_ You almost run into someone because you're not really looking where you're going, and you windmill your arms a little before looking around frantically again. Looks like they're heading towards a nearby Italian place. You're only following them to make sure the date goes smoothly, you tell yourself sternly. That's it. _Really_. And, so far, everything's been going OK. Hikaru hasn't done anything stupid like stomp off in a huff, sulk, or do anything to insult Haruhi. In fact the two of them are walking along companionably; Haruhi laughing at something Hikaru's just said.

They go into the restaurant and you twiddle around outside for a bit, wondering if you should go inside or just look in the window, but you decide that going in is the less creepy option and you do so, sitting at a table for two behind a conveniently placed shrub.

You've taken care this time. You (painfully) got yourself up before Hikaru this morning, even though it's a Saturday, and hung around the meeting-place until the two of them showed up. You're even wearing sunglasses and one of your dad's random hats. (He has a lot of them. Even the hats you use for the 'Which one is Hikaru?' game are his. Clearly, the twins would never actually _own_ such out-of-date monstrosities.)

Hikaru is letting Haruhi listen to his iPod, and presumably it's _Laruku,_ because he's going on about how you'd flown up at the last minute to see them in concert; front row seats. Good times. You smile and sit back, waving a waiter over and ordering a coffee.

You start to daydream because, really, the date is kind of boring. You'd wish for a bit of fighting right about now, if only it wouldn't make Hikaru upset. It'd make_ you_ upset, too, not just because of Hikaru, but because you _liked_ Haruhi. And Hikaru did, too. You never really believed Tono when he barged into your little, carefully closed-off world and claimed that there would be someone out there who could tell you apart. But only after a few months of being in the Host Club, _boom_, along came Haruhi, and everything was turned upside down. Your world, irresistibly, had started to expand. And you... you want that. As much as you love your brother (_too much_), one day you won't be able to be together anymore. You swallow a gulp of coffee, slowly, bitterness spreading over your tongue. There'll be new experiences, new friends (and not all of them are idiots, like you'd initially thought) and how would Hikaru be able to enjoy any of that if he depended on you so damn much? There might even be more people out there who could tell you apart. Everyone thought that, back in middle school, you'd shut everyone out because you were the _same_, because you didn't want to be _distinguished_. Well, those people were wrong. The truth was, what set you apart from everyone else was that you knew you were different beings. (And nobody else did.) You didn't even _look_ exactly the same. If one looked carefully, they'd see that Hikaru was just _that_ little bit taller, and his shoulders were broader, stronger. You'd always been the skinnier one, the one who was carried, the one who always fell down. And Hikaru liked things like - _ick_ - Math, and video games, and Science. And what if Hikaru wanted to run off and study to become a mad scientist or whatever? You didn't want to become a burden to your brother. You want to take care of him, look out for him, yes, but you don't want either of you to hold the other back. Never, ever.

So isn't it easier this way? To try and separate, be individuals, earlier? But if that's the case then why does it feel so...

Wait. Waitwaitwait. What was that? A sudden movement distracts you from your thoughts and you turn around. You can feel your eyes widening. What the hell was _this_? Haruhi was standing next to Hikaru, bending her head over him and reaching down to brush his face with her hand, and she was leaning down and... no no _no_!

"Ya daaa!"

Um. _Kuso_. This isn't good. You weren't meant to do this. Haruhi beats weakly at your chest from where you'd tackled her violently to the ground, yelling for help, and you stand, helping the girl up guiltily. You'd messed this up more than Tono ever could. (Heck, next time you'd probably be caught doing the Starlight Kick, or something stupid like that.)

"Kaoru!"

You let out a surprised yell as your face is filled with Hikaru's shirt, his arms wrapped around you. You peer at his chest for a minute, wondering how he'd seen through your wonderful disguise, but then again you should have known better. He is your twin after all.

"Anou... Kaoru, why did you push me like that?"

Er. Think fast.

"Um, I, because I, I thought you were going to... attack Hikaru." She quirks an eyebrow at you, because, yeah, it's a silly excuse, but you couldn't think of a better one on such short notice.

"Baka! He just had some _risotto_ on his face, that's all!"

Oh. Kami-sama, you feel stupid now. Hikaru is still hugging you fiercely, apparently oblivious to the fact that you just went kamikaze on your friend. Haruhi doesn't look mad, but she's... walking off somewhere?

"Haruhi! Gomen ne, you don't have to go..."

"Don't worry. I was going to go to the bathroom anyway. I'll come back..."

"Kaoru, where did you go this morning? I woke up and you weren't there, and I couldn't find you anywhere, why didn't you _tell_ me you were going somewhere?" You sigh, exasperated at yourself, and at Hikaru for not giving Haruhi a second thought.

"... I told Souga-kun that I'd go help him with something." You untangle yourself from his grasp and stand up.

"You could have told me. Was it something to do with Kurakano-chan? That would have been fun," an evil grin is curling over his lips and you can't help but smile at him.

"You wouldn't have wanted to get out of bed."

"Hnn, you're probably right. Well, since you're finished with that, you can come join us, ne? We were going to catch a movie after this,"

"Eto... well..." There's not really much you can say to get out of this, and you curse yourself and your silly possessiveness yet again for ruining everything. (Wasn't the _seme_ supposed to be the possessive one? ...And why are you thinking about that _now_...?)

"OK."

"Yatta! Haruhi, Kaoru's going to come with us," The commoner girl has returned, fixing her hair, and you notice for the first time the cute dress she's wearing. Baka! This was even better than you'd thought, and you'd... ugh.

"Alright. Let's pay and then we can go... What do you feel like watching, Kaoru?"

Hikaru pays the bill and you listen to Haruhi's chit-chat about this new police movie that's come out. It's only when you've exited the restaurant, Hikaru holding you possessively by the arm as you walk along the road, that he frowns at you and asks,

"Kaoru, why are you wearing that?"


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2.

It's Monday morning, and despite your slip up yesterday the rest of the 'date' went fine. You'd ended up seeing a thriller, and hearing Haruhi scream like a... well, a girl, had been extremely amusing, and had also made for perfect teasing material afterwards.

You straighten up from 'tying your shoe', starting up a conversation about the movie with Hana-chan, who's just about to pass you. She blushes and smiles at the chance to talk to one of the notorious Hitachiin brothers. (You really wonder if she knows which one you are, and you're tempted to spring the question on her but you don't.)

You smile and nod as she talks _oh, I was so scared, but I was with some of my friends so it was fine, we all laughed at each other's screams afterwards... _but, really, you're watching your brother again. And this time it's not because you want to see how things go, or that you want to see if you can help in some way. You don't really know _why_ you're watching him walk down the corridor happily chatting, once again, to the cross dressing commoner girl. But whatever it is, it was probably the same thing that made you want to tail them on their first date together. And on their second one. The same... morbid curiosity, the need to see _what would happen._

You shake your head softly. No, you can't let that get mixed up in it. This is about _Hikaru_, this is about expanding your _world_, not about your petty nosiness.

You wave to Hana-chan before settling into your seat, Hikaru giving you a small, loving smile from behind Haruhi's head.

Hmm. This is going to be harder than you expected it to be.

---

"Hikaru? I'm just going to return something to Kyouya-kun. I'll find you in the cafeteria a bit later, OK?"

"_Hahhh_? You borrowed from _Kyouya_!" Hikaru's jaw drops open and he _does_ have a point, you think, because borrowing one of Kyouya's precious belongings would be like making a deal with the Devil.

"He just... had a book I wanted to read! It's not like I ripped it or anything, either..."

"...though that would be a good prank. We could frame Tono." Hikaru finished for you, grinning. "I'll come with you to make sure he doesn't kill you."

"Iie, Hikaru, I'll be fine. Why don't you go ahead with Haruhi?"

He frowns at you, and it _does_ seem that you're trying to get rid of him. You bite your lip, but you have to do this. If you tag along like you did yesterday, you'll end up doing something stupid again. (But why did Haruhi have to stand so _close_ to him in the first place...?)

"...Wakatta. Be quick, okay?" He says softly, and ambles off to look for Haruhi.

You grab a random book from your desk and walk out of the classroom soon after, looking at them wistfully over your shoulder, but you steel yourself. Since you don't have anything better to do, you wander upstairs to look for Kyouya's classroom. It's only then that you realize that you'd never visited the 2nd years' classroom before. Hmm... Well. Tamaki and the Shadow King; that doesn't really give you much motivation, does it?

But now that you think about it, you're kind of curious as to what Kyouya _does_ during lunchtime. You wonder if he plots nefarious deeds on his laptop then, as well. Guy looks like one never to take a break. Maybe you can bug him a little. Hell, maybe you can even ask him if he can lend you a book.

---

You're still looking for the classroom 15 minutes later. Why does your school have to be so _huge_? ...Probably because you're 'rich bastards', as Haruhi would say.

You wonder what they're doing right now. Is Haruhi 'getting food off your brother's face' again? Maybe pudding, this time?

You shake yourself, hard. Haruhi wouldn't do something like that. The girl hardly notices Tono's many fruitless passes at her, and that Arai guy's attempt to ask her out had flown right over her head. Romance was _obviously_ not the first thing on Fujioka Haruhi's mind.

You stop in your tracks and look around. That's it... you're definitely lost. Kind of pathetic, getting lost in your own school. You retrace your steps, planning to make your way back to the 1st year classroom. You hope you don't run into anyone. You'll have a hard time explaining why you're wandering around on the laboratory floor with a... you take the first look ever at the book in your hand... with a book about _bonsai growing._ (Where did that _come_ from, anyway!)

...You miss Hikaru. People would think it strange for you to miss your brother after only being away from him for (you look at your watch) 20 minutes, but they wouldn't understand. (Also, it's not really 20 minutes, if you count all the time you spent avoiding Hikaru this morning, and the day before, and the day _before_ when you were busy planning for the date...) Hikaru and you were born together, you grew up together; for the longest time you'd fallen asleep and woken up together. Like you were one person (and the two of you _were_, but you were two different people at the same time). It's... _hard_ when a presence you've had with you for 16 years is suddenly taken away. But it's happening more and more, lately. And bound to keep on happening, you think sadly.

You make your way down another brightly decorated flight of stairs, realizing you'd missed this floor. Yeah, this is the right one, and you walk along, peering in at the windows until you catch sight of Kyouya... yep, reading a book. How boring. You'd think he'd be doing something more exciting or... _evil_, him being the Shadow King and all. The door creaks loudly when you open it, and he looks up briefly, glasses glinting. You gulp.

"...Kyouya-kun." He acknowledges your presence with a 'hnn' and goes back to his book. You flop down on the chair next to him. After a few moments of silence, in which you can practically hear the clock tick, crickets chirp, and Tono having a Drama Queen Moment a few floors down, you sigh and ask,

"Ne, Kyouya. What are you reading?"

He doesn't say anything, just pushes his glasses further up his nose and gives you a Look.

"I think the question is: What are you doing here, Kaoru-kun?"

"Well, I... I kind of told Hikaru I had to give you something, so he could have more time with Haruhi..._oi!_" You notice something. And you _gawk_ at him.

"How did you know I... how do you know I'm _me_?" You demand, staring at him, itching to pull the book away so you can see his face. But you don't. "It's just because of my hair parting. ...Right? _Right?_"

"No." He shakes his head. "It's your voices. They're completely different. If I listen closely, your voice is slightly higher than Hikaru's."

You're still gawking at him, because,honestly? That's what this kind of statement deserves. (He's right, though. How did he manage to catch it?)

"You... _kuso_. How long have you been able to tell?"

"Quite a while now. But it's only after watching the two of you for months that I was able to," And you stop gawking and shiver, instead, because the thought of _being watched by Kyouya_ does that to a person.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"You didn't ask."

You make an annoyed sound with your throat. That's just the type of thing Kyouya would say, isn't it?

"There are more people out there than you think, Kaoru-kun." He starts to read his book again. You're still staring at him. All along... all along, you'd thought it'd been only Haruhi. Now there was Kyouya. And maybe even more. The thought was exhilarating and scary all at once.

"...Ne, Kyouya? Are you reading a book about bonsais, by any chance?"

---


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3.

You walk back to your classroom after having spent lunch having a long conversation with Kyouya about _horticulture._ (Well you'd spoken about other things too, but that had been the main topic. Odd, isn't it? You hadn't expected someone like Kyouya to be interested in _that_.) When it came right down to it, Kyouya was a pretty decent person. When he wasn't busy plotting, or manipulating his club members, or cooking up evil money-making schemes, or setting his private army on people, or attempting to kill you for getting him out of bed early, that is.

You're well and ready to see Hikaru again. Knowing that he'll take you in his arms, and fuss you, and you'll smile and feel loved and all would be right with the world.

No, wait. That isn't what's supposed to happen. What's _supposed_ to happen is that Hikaru would waltz up with Haruhi, and the two of them would be the best of friends and tell him about what a pleasant lunch they'd had together. (And _then_ Hikaru would hug you.) Yeah. In any case, you're interested to see how your brother will react.

---

Well, so much for _that_. Not only had you not been able to say anything to Hikaru before class started (because you'd come in late), but after class _ended_ you'd been whisked off to the Host Club, barely getting a word in edgewise. It's almost a relief to throw yourself into your brother's put-on embrace while you entertain three squealing customers with your 'brotherly love' act.

You go at it with an energy you didn't know you had. Within the first hour, you've already leant (practically _draped_ yourself) on your brother's shoulders, pretending to be exhausted; 'accidentally' fallen into his lap after 'tripping over'; and (taking a page out of Haruhi's book) pretended to wipe coffee from your brother's full lips, faces so close that you could _almost_ kiss.

(You're torturing yourself.)

Hikaru gives you funny looks, probably because you've blown some of your best scripts and the day's not even half gone; and he _blushes _at that last one, because that _definitely_ wasn't planned.

But he doesn't say anything. Besides the carefully scripted, flowery words designed to make fangirls explode in mushroom clouds of "MOE!", he doesn't talk to you, just converses with the girls. (And it's unbelievable how much this saddens you. Maybe Hikaru doesn't need you as much as you thought he did.)

In between designateurs, he's deep in thought. He gazes off into the distance, an angsty look on his face. And no matter what your feelings are, you're worried about him. You can't wait until you get home so you can ask him. Now and again he glances at you when he thinks you aren't looking, and then he stares away again. (You don't want to follow that gaze because you're afraid of who it'd be pointed at.) You slide your eyes shut and pretend to be tired.

---

For you, the afternoon hasn't ended soon enough. You bid farewell to the last female, bowing gracefully, and ignore the childish urge to jump up and down with joy. As soon as the last flutter of skirt disappears around the doorframe, you spin around, eyeballs flicking rapidly from one point of the room to the next, searching for your brother. (All you want to do, after this long day, is drag him home and be _alone_ with him. That's when you can relax; that's when all the careful and constraining masks can fall away.) You think there'ss been enough separation for one day.

"Haruhi! Matte yo!"

You look over your shoulder towards the exit, and you watch your brother run. He runs after the eager-to-go-home Haruhi like a (dare you say it) _lovesick puppy_. Not even sparing a glance back. You feel your face start to tense up in anger and hurt, and you walk towards the huge double-doors, opening them a crack and peeking around the edge of it.

You had nothing to worry about, really, you think with a touch of bitter (like instant coffee). Because your twin is talking quietly, matter-of-factly, with Haruhi on the landing, and he looks like you're the _last_ thing on his mind.

But this is what you wanted, wasn't it?

You watch in disbelief as they share a casual hug and, then, you disappear – quietly but quickly – down the corridor in the opposite direction.

---

You're not quite sure how it came this far. You thought you knew your brother. Maybe you were wrong about Hikaru being too much of an idiot to fall in love. Because that sure looks like what's happening.

You're not ready for _this much,_ yet, and it's incredible how much it hurts. (Maybe _he's _not the needy one. Maybe it's _you_.)

From your First Date Battle Plan, up till now, something had changed. You hadn't realized it, but _everything_ had changed. Your little plan had gone from being simply about helping Hikaru, to some twisted little game you were playing for your own satisfaction.

And as you look out of the car window at the grey clouds and fog (suits your mood, so you aren't complaining), you can't help but think that this isn't the outcome you expected. This isn't how you expected him to react.

(How he'd react. Because that's important to you, isn't it? Perhaps you secretly _wanted_ to spend time away from your brother, just because you thought he'd pay even more attention to you when you saw each other after. Perhaps it's just because you're curious about how much he cares about you. How much he loves you. How far you can push the limit. It's not all about _him_, about expanding your world, not really.)

It starts to patter with rain. You push the button to put up the tinted windows, and look at blackness.

(You don't really want to think about what will happen, now that it looks like he might be ready to open the doors _wide open_, once and for all.)


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4.

You hurry, arms over your head, spending the few seconds from the car to the front door in the rain. Once you get into your house you don't slow down; you rush through the foyer, the pristine sitting room, and just about _run_ up the stairs, loosening your tie and shrugging out of your school jacket as you go. You don't want to spare the time to go to your room and change out of your uniform; you just untuck your shirt and make your way to the guest bedroom. _That_ one, that's stuffed so far at the back of the house that your parents hardly ever use it anymore.

You wrench the door open and push it shut, leaning against it, breathing heavily, feeling like you'd run a marathon.

(But what exactly are you running from?)

The room is dark, gray, and not as grand as the others. However, it's still clean and dust-free. (Kudos to the extensive staff of servants your house employs.) You throw yourself down on the bed (small – it's only queen sized), your hands behind your head, face pointed at the ceiling.

You haven't exactly chosen the best hiding place. That is, if you were actually _hiding_. (If you really wanted to make yourself disappear, you _would_, no mistake.) But you really just want a few minutes to yourself. When Hikaru comes back and finds you, you'll be glad to see him. (Even if he _is_ just full of happy-talk about Haruhi.) But for now, you just want the world to fuck off and leave you alone.

---

Your eyes flick open at a loud and insistent banging. (It feels like you'd only let them slide closed a split-second ago.) You sit up, dazed, your hand in your hair, and you make to open the door, but it opens by itself, and you're face to face with your indignant mirror-image. Hmm. The hand slides through your hair and comes to a rest at your side.

"Kaoru! Why'd you disappear like that?! I was looking all over for you!"

(You glance at your watch again and note with some surprise that you've only been home for 10 minutes.)

So Hikaru had been spending all that time looking for _you_ and not...?

(It's crazy, how relieved you feel. Like you'd been holding your breath all that time and had only just let it out.)

You're still annoyed, though. If anyone has the right to be angry, it's you.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Hikaru. I just went ahead to the car, since you were busy talking to Haruhi," you say to him calmly.

"You could have _waited_ for me! I..."

He appears to be losing steam, the (sexy) angry red tinge fading from his cheeks. He rubs the back of his neck with one hand in an embarrassed way. And comes over to sit down next to you.

(You stiffen. You can't control it.)

"Naa, Kaoru..."

He puts out one hand to touch you lightly on the shoulder. Not intruding. Not pressuring. Just... there. As comfortable as it always was. As it always had been. You feel yourself relenting. (You've been wanting this all day, after all.)

"Did I do something wrong?" The voice in which he asks this is urgent, low, quiet. You sigh and turn around to face him, all pretences gone.

"No, Hikaru. You didn't do anything wrong. I just went home so... you could spend some time with Haruhi-chan,"

He blinks at you, obviously confused. "But... But Kaoru! You've been disappearing like this for _days_ now..."

You shake your head.

"Hikaru, it's just so... just so you can be with other people. Without me getting in the way," you add in a small voice, but he hears it. Of course he does.

He grips your shoulder with his other hand, frowning at you worriedly. "You've _never_ gotten in the way. Have...have I done something to make you think that?" His voice is still quiet, low, serious. (It's making your stomach do things that it has never done before. Like backflips.)

"Why can't we be with everyone together? You don't have to _go away_ just so we can talk to other people, Kaoru."

You close your eyes, shutting him out, shutting his intense amber gaze out, for a second, and then you open them again.

"Yes, I do."

He looks at you, trying to puzzle you out.

"I don't understand."

You look away and there's a long stretch of awkward silence. Then, (tentatively, like you're afraid of the words, afraid of what they might mean) you say,

"Hikaru... you... you really like Haruhi, don't you?"

His eyes widen as understanding flows into them, his mouth is half open in disbelief.

"Oh, Kaoru..." he breathes.

And he pulls you forward, and you fall into him (like you were meant to) and your arms go around his waist and his go around your shoulders (like a cocoon) and you _fit_.

"I don't like Haruhi _that_ _way_," he tells you, his voice containing all the incredulity he feels at you even _imagining_ such a thing. You sigh, (like you'd found what you'd been searching for all this time) and you press your nose close into his collar. (His voice is deep and dark like you're sharing secrets.)

"...Even if I did, I..." he pulls you even closer, and when you come out of your giddy, silly daze enough to look up at his face, you find it emotional and tight.

"Hikaru..." you whisper, but he squeezes you uncomfortably in return.

"Just... wait. I can't think straight," he mutters, and you can see that he's struggling, struggling to find some way to put those wayward emotions into words. So you nuzzle into his neck (that manages to smell so _good_ after an entire day of sweat and rain and running) again, and listen patiently to his pulse.

"Kaoru... don't misunderstand." He begins, stroking and tugging at your hair distractedly. "I like Haruhi. I like our classmates. I like the Host Club. _Kuso_... even some of the customers are fun enough to talk to." A semiamused chuckle. "But Kaoru..."

He tilts your chin up and looks at you, eyes halflidded, and you feel yourself blushing, like you're playing the shy _uke_ back at the Third Music Room.

"I like being with them but... Kaoru, I don't need any of them like I _need you,_" his face is so close to yours and, seriously, you're _frozen_, you can't blink, you can't breathe, and so you couldn't've stopped him if you'd wanted to when he starts to plant soft kisses along your cheek. Your breath catches and you dig your fingers into his back; tense.

He kisses the - "_Kaoru_," side of your face, "_You are_..." the shell of your ear, "_the most_..." the nape of your neck, "_important person_..." your cheek, "_in the world..._" your jaw, "_to me._" You're trembling. Delicious. (It's the only word that exists for you right now.) Your brother's lips taste _delicious._

Your eyes slide shut and you _fidget_, scrabbling to get into a better position on his lap, arms thrown around his neck now, fingers threading into his hair. You can't breathe. (Like that _matters._) His hands lick down your spine and stop at the small of your back, pressing you closer, closer. So close it almost isn't possible. And you obey. You crush yourself to him, tongue curling deep in his mouth (like you're still searching). Your bodies are slithering, twining with each other.

You force yourself to pull away from his soft (symmetrical) lips and the room is silent for several minutes. You rest your forehead against his; your breath mingles. "_Hikaru_?" The whispered name, endearment really, becomes a tantalizing brush of lips that makes you shiver from want you didn't even know _existed_. You draw back (so you don't get distracted by your brother's newly-discovered tastiness) and say,

"Hikaru." You have to stop again, because of the _look_ on his face, and you wonder if you'll manage to say anything besides his name at this point.

The _look_ is one of lust and shock and helplessness. The lust is in his flushed cheeks and the shock is in his eyes (which seem to say '_Did I just do that?_'). You suppose you look just the same. His mouth is half open, a questionmark, and you trace over it with the tips of your fingers. It is warm and springy to the touch. (You can't resist.)

"Do you mean it?" You ask. It's the only question that needs asking.

"Of course," Hikaru nods. Doesn't hesitate. His voice is husky. "No matter who else there is. Who else we let in. You, you're... _shikusho_, Kaoru, you're my _twin_," His eyes are desperate now, flashing, burning into yours, because this is hard to explain and he's willing you to _get it_.

You smile at him. "Wakatta."

And you do. This (the two of you) is more than friends, more than brothers, more than... anything, really. The two of you surpass everything. (You had each other before life began.)

Shock dissolves as you lean down again. You want more. (The gravity of the act weighs upon you, and how were you to fight gravity?) Your mouths find each other in the darkness (provided by cloudcover).

"Gomen, Hikaru," you murmur against his lips, loving the heady feeling it gives you. "But I want you to show me."

You didn't need to ask. Never did. You were just taking what was there, what had always been there; you just hadn't looked hard enough before now.

Hikaru pushes forward, your back hits the mattress with a squeak, and your brother settles in between your legs and kisses the breath out of you.

So warm. Hikaru's hands are frenzied, fumbling, and you feel hot and cold all at once, then realize it's because your shirt is open. Hikaru's face is at your neck and he's sucking and biting like he wants to draw blood. You're gasping. His hands explore your nakedness; teasing. Giving (miniscule amounts) and taking back _that _much more. You cry out (how embarrassing) when fingers pause and pinch your nipple. Your eyelids are slitted but you see Hikaru look up at you and _smirk_, his smile spilling languidly, looking like a demon.

His face disappears, then, leaving behind a sparkling trail from firecracker hair and you _arch_ into his touch, because his mouth (replacing the fingers) is warm and wet and _amazing_. He _sucks_ and you cry out without meaning to, stuffing your fist into your mouth, muffling, because no one else is allowed to hear. No one except him. You squeeze your eyes shut and your fingers clench in his hair. You're practically _begging_.

(For what?)

For _him_. Hikaru. Your twin. You've never wanted, needed, anyone else _but_ him.

(_Need you._)

"Hikaru!" It's too much. His hands are all over you. He stops, looks up at you wonderingly, and then crawls (body as sinuous and serpentine as his smile) until he's practically sitting on your chest, shoving the air out of your lungs. (You wonder if you're as bendable as he is.) He rests his forehead on yours and listens to you pant.

"Hikaru," you whisper, "you're..." There's an insistent pressure tapping against your stomach, and you _squirm_, trying to get him to move because his legs are clamping your arms to your sides and you want to _touch_.

"Mmm." He stretches luxuriously (a flickering, wanton flame); leaning back enough so his ass barely brushes your own clothed lust, making you gasp.

"So are you," he says, the three words containing all the clichéd smugness in the world. And you shudder (your brother is undeniably _sexy_) and yank his tie, pulling that smug face back down to yours, kissing him with such urgency its like you want to meld, merge the two halves of you back into one. Your body twists into weird shapes as you grind up into him, making him _moan_ into your mouth, his erection sandwiched between you. You draw him close, chokingly, and press your tongue against his.

He breaks away suddenly and you feel like you're going to go insane.

...Until he leans back and _sits_ on you.

You let out a breathy, turned-on sigh, and he licks his lips (loving what he's doing to you). His mouth is red and swollen, hair sticking up in all directions. He looks utterly _debauched_, and yet, at the same time, not nearly debauched _enough_.

You snap back when he begins to run his hands teasingly over your chest, and you think – that's quite enough of _that_. With an absurd amount of effort, you grab your brother's hands and force them behind his back. You hold them there with one hand, and proceed to (painfully slowly) divest Hikaru of his jacket and tie.

He gives you a pointed look of frustration (which you ignore), and you tantalizingly lick along the pulse point in his neck; at the underside of his jaw. Your brother tries to wriggle out of your grasp; you smile against his skin. (Payback truly _does_ taste sweet.) But then you bite a soft, vulnerable place just below your brother's ear and he _shrieks_, instantly shaking your hand off and forcing you back down: frantic, hot kisses against your stomach and fumbling with your belt. (You sigh happily. Now _this_ is more like it.)

It takes him a fair while, what with the room being dim (almost dark); but he finally gets the zip undone. He pulls both your pants and boxers down in one impatient motion and your face stains red with embarrassment (and with want). You watch him blow cool air over your heatedness, nuzzle it against his cheek. Then, without warning, he _swallows._

You bite down hard on your fingers, trying to shut yourself up. You're thrillingly aware of the unlocked door; aware that, if you were to be caught like this, the world might come to an end.

A choked sound: he gags around you and you moan; hands clenched in his hair, back arched off the bed on the verge of snapping. And you're (is this _wrong?_) practically stuffing your hand in your mouth because you're going to _scream_, your brother is _just… so…!_... and he... he... wait, why did he –

"Why did you _stop_?!" you half hiss, half whimper, but Hikaru silences you, you feel yourself flushing as you taste yourself…

"Kaoru," (both your vocabularies reduced to nothing more than each other's names…) "please," urgently he pushes your legs apart, "let me…oh kami-sama…" and he doesn't sound like he knows what he's asking (but you _do_) –

"Hikaru. I want you to," (_so much_ it scares you) you're so excited your skin is practically tingling, electricity… "I want _you,_" you mutter, you're being _greedy_, and the past few days meander in your mind like the fog of a dream – your attempt at selflessness didn't work, so you might as well just _take,_ god knows it feels good and – a groan, and your brother launches himself at you – Hikaru is being greedy too.

You can't hold back a cry when your brother grabs you roughly, rudely, devouring your neck and collarbone, pressing the tips of his fingers against your lips, and you open your mouth eagerly and suck, suck them. He rocks against you, you're moving to some unknown rhythm… his fingers leave your mouth and just at that moment he _yanks_ you and you whimper… he turns your entire body into fire...

Sudden pain tears a noise from your throat. He kisses you, "_Gomen Kaoru... Gomen!_" and takes his finger out of you. You gasp, forcing your brain to form thoughts – "H-Hikaru... jacket... left pocket..." he kisses you again, guiltily, then flings himself off the edge of the mattress, fumbling – amusedly and arousedly you watch him wriggle. He reappears with a devilish smile on his face and a tub of lip salve in his hand.

He saves the taunts for later.

Works much better this time. You – _ah_ – wrap your legs around his waist and –_ mmm_ – try to force yourself to _relax_ and _not come_ at the same time. Hikaru is blushing: it spills down his neck and clouds his chest, and you feel a stab of guilt because you haven't pleasured your brother at _all_, but you love the attention he's giving you...

Your brother twists, scissors his fingers, spreading you open... you writhe and Hikaru fidgets, squirming out of his pants and you're frustrated because you want to _see_, but – _kyaa! _– feeling his cock... pushing inside of you... is probably... even better... His harsh breaths fill the air. You feel him twitch hotly inside of you and you're going to _explode_ if he doesn't do something soon – _mnn_ – too... slow... you snap your hips up and shove against him, making him gasp – soon after that it's mindless: he pounds into you and you throw your head back and _keen_ – you want to pull him down and smother his red, wet lips with kisses but you're too coiled to do that – Your pulses are thrumming in time with each other...

(And this can't be wrong, can't be, because you... you finally feel like a _whole person - _)

You're stroking frantically over his back, his ass, unthinking, when he – _AH!_ – strikes a place in you that makes you _arch_ and _scream_ – he lets out a strangled yell, and _floods_ you – murmurs "_Aishiteru_" in your ear, and - just before you black out, you tell him that you love him too...

---

"Kaoru?"

"...Mrr?"

"You're awake"

You wake up to the pleasant sensation of your twin cuddling up to your chest. ...And to the _not_ so pleasant sensation of stickiness all over you. You want to say something, but your lips feel like they're cemented together. So instead you just sigh, wrap your arms around your brother, and nuzzle his hair happily. You try not to think of the prospect of figuring out how to do dirty laundry. (Maybe you could ask Haruhi to help – she should know about commoner things like this – but somehow you think it wouldn't be the best idea.)

"Ne, Kaoru... so you'll come with us?"

"Hmm?"

"A bunch of us are going to a game expo this weekend... I asked Haruhi to go today... but she wasn't interested..."

You look down at your brother's shining, hopeful eyes, and smile to yourself. Really... _Kaoru_, how could you be such a baka...?

"Hai. We'll go together." And Hikaru leans up, and kisses you _smack_ on the mouth.


End file.
